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Eat My (Birthday) Cake
Capricorns (December 22--January 19) are hard-working, goal-oriented and natural-born leaders who, with a dash of stubborn arrogance, have perfected the recipe for hard-earned success. This makes Cappy a loyal provider in lifelong partnerships, as cheating simply undercuts this astrological goat's deliberate climb to the top of whichever mountain she challenges herself to conquer.
Which is why I bagged one as my wife.
I assure you that Capricorn's socially slow start is no indication of what's to come between the sheets. Unwitting partners of this horny animal can often be overwhelmed by the passion that emerges from her calm, cool and collected exterior. A staunch traditionalist who doesn't often take risks, Capricorn is actually an explosive performer wired to be the best at everything (and everyone) she does.
Domineering and with a lust for control, Capricorn is best suited for a sexual partner who genuinely enjoys submission. All you need to do is provide a Capricorn with the right tools for the job and, with her motivation and eye for detail, she'll get it (and you) done just right. Hook Capricorn up with practical basics like the comfortable Spareparts Joque Harness, a thin, sensation-transmitting condom like the Lifestyles Skyn or an organic lube like Hathor Pure, which, coincidentally, boasts Horny Goat Weed as a natural aphrodisiac ingredient. With celebrity Capricorns like Elvis, David Bowie, Joan of Arc and Muhammad Ali, we're clearly in capable hands for a randy ramming.
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Eat My (Birthday) Cake Aquarius's partners can be surprised to learn that we don't actually have the biggest sex drive. We focus on quality, not quantity—though we won't be constantly clawing at your belt buckle, when we do, we mean business, so make sure to do your ... |
